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Post by althea on Sept 10, 2024 12:06:37 GMT
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember the things I am supposed to do.
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Post by althea on Sept 10, 2024 12:08:16 GMT
No matter what's going on in your life, there's always some form of potato that can make it better.
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Post by althea on Sept 10, 2024 12:17:47 GMT
Not mine but I loved this, I read in a Kid's science book the other day. Talking about Skinner, the inventor of the Skinner Box used in studying animal learning patterns, the author said he was so good at training his test animals to acquire new behavioural patterns he was known as 'The Magician' - because he was always pulling habits out of rats.
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Post by althea on Sept 10, 2024 12:22:44 GMT
I don't want to party like it's 1999. I want to go grocery shopping like it's 1999.
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Post by rondetto on Sept 11, 2024 10:05:25 GMT
I recently went for a job interview at a sewage farm.
The interview room had no chairs but a couple of stools.
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I've opened a kitchenware shop in Jamaica selling casserole dishes.
Pyrex of the Caribbean.
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I was very naive sexually. My first girlfriend asked me to try missionary so I *** off to Africa for six months.”
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I am shattered today.....My wife had me try three new positions in the bedroom last night. But she ended up wanting the dresser back where it was.
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In fact I'm sure my mate is having an affair with my wife. He's been right miserable lately.
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My friend went and won the first prize in the World Litter Collecting championship.
He confessed that he had no formal training and just picked it up as he went along.
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I've never been an organ donor,
But I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army.
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Seamus O'Docherty loses his beloved Doggie.
He's inconsolable.
His wife's says, "Put an Advert in the Paper", 3 weeks pass and still Nothing.
The wife asks Seamus ,"What did you write in the Paper"?,
Seamus says,"Here Boy!"
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I have this irrational fear of horse chestnut trees.
I will conker it one day.
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I’m not making any progress in my salsa lessons.
It’s one step forward, two steps back.
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Post by althea on Sept 11, 2024 11:20:49 GMT
One thing me and my dog have in common, is we never want me to go to work.
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Post by althea on Sept 11, 2024 11:21:09 GMT
I always get asked why I only sing when the car is in reverse. I say that it's because I'm a back up singer.
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Post by rondetto on Sept 12, 2024 15:23:52 GMT
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview.The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:“How many D’s are there in “INDIANA JONES?”The brunette thinks for a second and responds “One.”The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he’ll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.
The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: “How many D’s are there in INDIANA JONES?” She immediately says “One.” The interviewer says, “OK, we’ll let you know.”Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: “How many D’s are there in INDIANA JONES?”She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: “2, 4, 6 …., hmmm wait,… 2, 4, 6 …. can I borrow your calculator please?”
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: “Thirty two”The interviewer is stunned and asks her: “Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?”“Simple… Daaaa da da daaaa daaaa da daaaa… Daaaa da da daaa daa da daaaa da da… sing along now you remember it”
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Post by marispiper on Sept 13, 2024 10:17:46 GMT
I dunno where you get your jokes people, but they're great 🤣😁👍
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Post by rondetto on Sept 13, 2024 14:19:11 GMT
Thanks Maris, nice to know we're appreciated.
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Post by althea on Sept 14, 2024 15:36:07 GMT
The day he moved out was terrible, That evening she went through hell, His absence wasn't a problem, But the corkscrew had gone as well...
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Post by althea on Sept 15, 2024 16:36:02 GMT
Apparently. keeping to yourself and not bothering people - bothers people.
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Post by althea on Sept 16, 2024 16:36:12 GMT
Whenever I see a man with a beard and moustache and wearing glasses, I think there is a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on his photographs.
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Post by althea on Sept 16, 2024 16:36:41 GMT
My dad told me to invest my money in Bonds. So I bought a hundred copies of Goldfinger.
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Post by althea on Sept 16, 2024 16:37:08 GMT
When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that.
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