Elaine went to visit the much heralded local fortune-teller.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Elaine stared at the woman's haggard face, then at the single, flickering candle, then down at her hands.
She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Do you think I will get away with it?"
I went to see my mum this morning. She had kindly saved me two dieting booklets out of the paper and handed them to me like a present. That is not a joke. But along with insulting, I did find it funny 😁
'Yesterday was my 85th birthday. I went to a local club and towards the end of the evening announced I had just won the lottery. Two nubile young ladies accompanied me back to my place and with the aid of a double dose of Viagra I had my wicked way with both of them all night. Before they left one of them cooked me breakfast'
The priest was a bit shaken but thought he had better continue so licked his lips and said
'I see' he said , 'and apart from this sin have you been a good Catholic for all your 85 years?'