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Post by rondetto on Nov 7, 2024 17:09:36 GMT
There was this party in the woods and, all of a sudden there was a downpour of rain and thunder. These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring rain, and finally reached their car just as the rain let up. They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared outside the passenger window, and he tapped lightly on the window! The man on the passenger side screamed out, "Eeeeeeekkk! Look at my window!!! There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a ghost?!?!?!)
This old man kept knocking, so the driver said, "Well, open the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the passenger rolled his window down part way and said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man softly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"
The passenger, terrified, looked at the driver and said, "He wants tobacco!"
"Well, offer him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.
So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a cigarette and yells, "Step on it!!!" rolling up the window in terror.
Now going about 80 miles an hour, they calm down, and they start laughing again, and the passenger says, "What do you think about that?"
The driver says, "I don't know. How could that be? I was going pretty fast."
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock, and there is the old man again.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah, there he is again!" the passenger yells.
"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.
He rolls down the window a little ways and shakily says, "Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
The passenger throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"
They are now going about 100 miles an hour and still guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more knocking!
"OH MY GOD! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" in stark fear.
The old man replies, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
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Post by ARENA on Nov 8, 2024 12:48:42 GMT
Deat Santa all I want is a fat bank account and a skinny body.
PS. Don't mix it up , like you did last year.
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:16:59 GMT
Deat Santa all I want is a fat bank account and a skinny body. PS. Don't mix it up , like you did last year. Amen to that!  (For me, I mean)  |
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:36:41 GMT
Traffic cop: You were going fast
Me: I was trying to keep up with the traffic
Traffic cop: There isn't any!
Me: I know. That's how far behind I am.
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:36:58 GMT
What do we want? A time machine
When do we want it? Doesn't really matter...
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:37:14 GMT
Have a sister that works for the gas board, do you wanna meter?
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:37:35 GMT
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
First body: Pierre Dubois, Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his 20-year old mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,'
Says the Coroner.
'Second body: Hamish Campbell, Scotsman, 25, won £50,000 on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.'
The Inspector asked, 'What about the third body?'
'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy Murphy, Irish, 30, struck by lightning.'
'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector
'Thought he was having his picture taken.'
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:37:53 GMT
I asked a kid in my street if he wanted my old sofa and chairs.
He told me wasn't allowed to take suites from strangers
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:38:29 GMT
Just heard that Ikea are going to be sponsoring schools - there will lots of new and novel ideas.
But assembly is going to take ages !!
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Post by althea on Nov 8, 2024 13:38:52 GMT
As I opened the box I could tell it was a Monopoly board from the word go.
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Post by ARENA on Nov 8, 2024 15:53:33 GMT
Before we work on artificial intelligence why don't we straighten out the USA
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Post by waiting4atickle on Nov 8, 2024 17:14:46 GMT
What's the difference between "grey" and "gray"?
Grey is a colour and gray is a color.
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Post by ARENA on Nov 9, 2024 15:13:56 GMT
I can't get along with my new stairlift.....it's driving me up the wall!
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Post by althea on Nov 10, 2024 12:58:12 GMT
Grandpa has reached that awkward age - too old for Snapchat and too young for Life Alert.
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Post by althea on Nov 10, 2024 12:58:52 GMT
Taller people sleep longer in bed.
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(For me, I mean) 
