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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:27:40 GMT
Wounds heal better when they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:28:02 GMT
My mind is made up - don't confuse me with facts.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:28:25 GMT
I hate negative numbers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:28:46 GMT
I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk...........
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:29:24 GMT
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts. I won't lie, it was a rocky road...
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:39:56 GMT
I've decided to get some velcro for my shoes instead of laces. Why knot?
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:40:18 GMT
Why is it unwise to share secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell...
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:42:14 GMT
Prison is just one word to you - but to some people it's a sentence.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:43:10 GMT
I saw a chap walking his two dogs. "What a lovely pair of dogs! What are they called" I asked. "Calvin and Klein" he replied "Isn't that a brand of underpants?" I said with a smile,
He looked at me and said - "Yes, they are Boxers"
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:44:07 GMT
I once worked at a cheap pizza place to get by. I kneaded the dough.
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Post by althea on Jul 24, 2024 14:35:31 GMT
I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 28, 2024 7:57:55 GMT
I applied for a personal loan and they asked what its for.
I said "It's personal."
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The instructions for the chicken goujons said "Turn halfway through cooking".
Now I'm facing away from the oven and can't tell if they're ready!
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My elderly neighbour just reached 110
Thats the last time i get in a car with her!
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Had a stroke of luck this morning.
Took my old Chinese Microwave to be valued at the local Auctioneers.
Turns out it dates back to the Ping Dynasty.
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I saw a golf buggy parked in the disabled bay, I thought I wonder what his handicap is?
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Did you know, 18% of men like women with big thighs ...11% of men like women with skinny thighs ..all the rest just like something in between.
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Just downloaded the soundtrack of Titanic,its syncing at the moment.
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Police have raided a factory producing thousands of counterfeit Kipling products. A Police spokesman said " They're exceedingly good fakes"
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Just been to the opticians to get my eyes tested and you'll never guess who I bumped into whilst I was there..
... everyone!
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Post by rondetto on Jul 31, 2024 13:30:28 GMT
My mate said to me: "Do you like wearing that hi vis jacket all the time?" I said: "I wouldn’t be seen without it !!"
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If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley. That way he could introduce himself, I'm Harley, David's son.
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I went to a fancy dress party dressed as an alarm clock. I left early... People kept winding me up!
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I was a Child of the 60s, My memories are of Bands like The Tremeloes and the Dave Clark Five are Sketchy, but I do Remember Bits And Pieces.
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"How is your new job at the factory?” one guy asked another.
“I’m not going back there.” "Why not?” “For many reasons,” he answered. “The sloppiness, the shoddy workmanship, the awful language – they just wouldn’t put up with me."
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Brilliant News. I entered the best Sun Tan competition at the Paris Olympics Today and I've only gone and got a Bronze..!
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My first day on a fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs. They're kidding obviously. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
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I was always very shy as a young man, my friend advised carrying a pebble in my pocket and squeezing it whenever the shyness took me. Did it work? Yes, I felt a little boulder.
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Post by ARENA on Jul 31, 2024 15:09:00 GMT
By the time you're eighty you've learned everything.......the trouble is remembering it!
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Post by ARENA on Aug 3, 2024 6:28:24 GMT
I thought I had arthritis but apparently it's early onset rigor mortis
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