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Post by althea on Jul 20, 2024 12:04:25 GMT
When I was young, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive. Fortunately, my older brother told me about it.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 21, 2024 6:20:45 GMT
I was rather flattered when my wife said I should have a go at modelling.
Then she gave me an Airfix kit and a tube of glue.
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I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked, "Is it to scale?"
I replied, “No, It's just to look at."
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Think twice before getting a rescue cat.
My Nan got one.
She tripped & fell one day & it just sat there & did nothing.
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A father was teaching his 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.
The daughter asked, "Do I click the square?"
The father said, "Yes."
The daughter then wanted to know, "Single click or double click?"
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3 budgies in a cage , one on the top perch , one on the second perch and one on the 3rd perch
Which one owns the cage ??
The one on the bottom, the others are on higher purchase.
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The CEO of Dulux Paint has died of exposure on a mountain
His family said he could’ve done with another coat.
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To save money on a coffin, buy a pen from Amazon and use the box it came in.
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When they first started making films in Hollywood, there were no toilets on site, so everyone had to go in the adjacent long grass.
They were known as the WC fields.
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During the 15th century I worked in a torture chamber.
One evening I had the job of stretching a man in shining armour on the rack.
I thought...this is going to be a long knight.
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Post by marispiper on Jul 22, 2024 11:37:39 GMT
I must be a miserable whatname. I never look at the jokes - can't think why - they are very good. Thanks all 🤣
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:50:51 GMT
I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I'll be fine, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:51:32 GMT
You can't make me do what I don't want to do! You're not my cat!
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:52:08 GMT
Red meat is not bad for you. Green fuzzy meat is bad for you.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:52:59 GMT
Education is important, but other stuff is more importanter.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:54:05 GMT
My resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my television.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:55:23 GMT
Writing my name in Cursive is my signature move.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 11:56:11 GMT
Just so everyone's clear - I'm going to put my glasses on.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 12:18:25 GMT
Pollen is when flowers can't keep it in their pants.
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Post by althea on Jul 22, 2024 12:19:03 GMT
I love jokes about eyes - the cornea the better.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 14:58:57 GMT
It's going to be too hot to exert yourself outside, but just to be safe, I'm not going to exert myself inside either,.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:00:19 GMT
I bet someone's mum used me as a bad example when I was young.
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Post by althea on Jul 23, 2024 15:02:09 GMT
I lost my job as a stage designer - I left without making a scene.
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