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Post by althea on Jul 17, 2024 14:49:54 GMT
Regular naps will prevent old age - especially if you take them while driving.
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Post by althea on Jul 17, 2024 14:54:52 GMT
Just a friendly reminder. June is procrastination awareness month.
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Post by althea on Jul 17, 2024 14:55:15 GMT
A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I learned this at my daughter's school concert.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 18, 2024 8:14:44 GMT
A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu. “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.”
"That’s a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.”
The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday.”
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:50:04 GMT
My imaginary friend thinks that you need a therapist.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:50:54 GMT
My neighbour's diary says that I have boundary issues.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:52:08 GMT
Come here, you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we're going to get done today.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:52:43 GMT
Revenge is beneath me............. but accidents happen.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:53:41 GMT
The beauty of the word "shoehorn" is that you can squeeze it into any sentence.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:55:31 GMT
Don't you just hate it when you arrive at work and realise you've forgotten to bring your will to live.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:56:29 GMT
What I don't like about office parties - is looking for a job the next day.
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Post by althea on Jul 18, 2024 11:59:16 GMT
Seems that many years ago in the Soviet Union after you had ordered and paid for a new car - taking delivery of it took a very long time.
The manager of one dealer told his customer that he would have to wait ten years..
Customer: "Will that be morning or afternoon? Manager: "But it's ten years, why does that matter?" Customer: "Because I've got the plumber coming in the morning."
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Post by althea on Jul 19, 2024 14:11:22 GMT
This man was so ugly he could never hold a job down. So with an assistant he opened a pet shop. On its second day a customer pointed at him and asked the assistant, "How big does this one get?"
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Post by althea on Jul 20, 2024 12:01:20 GMT
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
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Post by althea on Jul 20, 2024 12:02:35 GMT
Old age is when your classmates are so grey, wrinkled and bald that they no longer recognise you.
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