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Post by althea on Jul 1, 2021 8:42:59 GMT
I am working for a firm who make bicycle wheels. I am the spokesperson........
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Post by rondetto on Jul 1, 2021 10:36:50 GMT
Last Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some sweets, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel, Rocky 2. I'll be back three more times tonight as well."
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Post by rondetto on Jul 1, 2021 15:30:48 GMT
A man enters a chemist and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms.
The Pharmacist asks, "What size?"
The man replies, "I do not know."
Well, take this board with holes and go to the bathroom and measure.
In 10 minutes the man comes back and tells the pharmacist, "I have changed my mind, forget the condoms. How much is this board?"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2021 18:17:56 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jul 2, 2021 8:17:35 GMT
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
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Post by althea on Jul 2, 2021 9:27:50 GMT
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Post by althea on Jul 2, 2021 9:28:26 GMT
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Post by althea on Jul 2, 2021 9:29:19 GMT
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Post by marispiper on Jul 2, 2021 10:39:01 GMT
I had to beat a retreat in PC World the other day. Somebody put one down and it was just vile 😬😬 It wasn't me btw....
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Post by rondetto on Jul 2, 2021 14:55:07 GMT
A motorist, driving by a farm, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about £200 today," said the farmer. "But in six years it would have been worth £900. So £900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a cheque and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the cheque for £900. It's postdated six years from now."
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Post by althea on Jul 3, 2021 6:42:45 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jul 3, 2021 11:08:41 GMT
Recently, Germany conducted some scientific exploration involving their best scientists. Core drilling samples of earth were taken to a depth of 50 m and during the core examinations, small pieces of copper were discovered. After running many arduous tests on these samples, the German government announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. So they ordered their own scientists to take their core samples at a depth of 100 m. From these samples, they found small pieces of glass and soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide optical fibre network.
Irish scientists were outraged. So immediately after this announcement, they ordered their scientist to take samples at a depth of 200 m but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 h years ago were an even more advanced civilization, as they already had a mobile telephone network in place.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 3, 2021 13:17:35 GMT
There was a little boy in pre school. At the end of one cold winter day, when all the other children were leaving, the teacher found him crying, so she asked him what was wrong.
He sobbed, "I can't find my boots."
The teacher looked around the classroom and saw a pair of boots. "Are these yours?"
"No, they're not mine," said the little boy, shaking his head.
The teacher and the boy searched all over the classroom for his boots.
Finally, the teacher gave up, "Are you SURE those boots are not yours?"
"I'm sure," the boy sobbed, "When I came to school this morning mine had snow on them."
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Post by rondetto on Jul 4, 2021 7:36:07 GMT
I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."
"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"
"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain why they're in the suitcase."
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Post by althea on Jul 4, 2021 11:05:39 GMT
I felt uncomfortable driving into the cemetery. The GPS said, "You have reached your final destination."
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