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Post by althea on May 12, 2024 12:59:02 GMT
A small joy in my life is that my sis is dating a guy with the same name as her cat and human Nigel hates the fact that we call him human Nigel.
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Post by lily on May 13, 2024 4:57:50 GMT
Althea, your jokes are always so subtle, I have to read them twice to get the point! :0) :0)
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Post by althea on May 13, 2024 14:31:44 GMT
I can't read Romanian at all, so you're doing very well, Lily.
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Post by althea on May 13, 2024 14:34:47 GMT
Q: What should I set the washing machine at?
A:What are you washing?
Q: A Tee shirt.
A:What does it say on the Tee shirt?
Q: Pink Floyd.
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Post by althea on May 13, 2024 15:00:44 GMT
My hobbies include eating and also thinking about the next time I'll be eating.
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Post by althea on May 13, 2024 15:01:08 GMT
If you need help understanding fractions, our helpline is open 24/7.
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Post by althea on May 13, 2024 15:01:36 GMT
As I glued a Piranha to my boomerang, I couldn't help thinking - this is going to come back to bite me.
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Post by althea on May 13, 2024 15:03:31 GMT
Everyone knows about Alan Turing, who cracked the Enigma codes. Less well known, was his sister Kay, who made drinks and food for his team.
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Post by althea on May 14, 2024 13:45:17 GMT
Sure, sometimes I question my parenting. But, to be honest, I sometimes question my child's childing.
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Post by althea on May 14, 2024 13:48:26 GMT
Anyone need these?
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Post by rondetto on May 14, 2024 15:33:49 GMT
Just pipped in the pub quiz again tonight.
Apparently Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife. ___
We was so poor as kids my mum used to buy our clothes out of the army and navy store.
Wasn't so funny going to school dressed as a Japanese admiral. ___
I stepped on a cornflake this morning.
Does that make me a cereal killer ? ___
After completing his annual physical on a patient, the doctor asked if there was anything that was bothering him. Joe replied, "Yeah, my hearing."
The doctor examined Joe's ear and removed some ear wax. He then asked Joe if his hearing was better.
Joe said, "I don't know, the hearing isn't till next Tuesday." ___
I once had a job painting the white lines on roads, but I packed it in before I went round the bend. ___
I won a gold medal at the World weather forecasting championship.I beat the raining champion. ___
Just been reading How to cross the road safely by Luke Left and Den Wright. ___
Just bumped into an old mate today. I said, "What are you doing these days?"
He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, lazy beggars and down and outs."
I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?"
He said, "No. Wetherspoons!" ___
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Post by rondetto on May 19, 2024 8:04:49 GMT
I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe!"
She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging you on the coffee table!"
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I work all hours every bloody week to provide a great Christmas for the kids. And what happens? Some fat *** with a beard gets all the credit...
Still, my fault for marrying her I suppose!
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The Irish bobsleigh team at the Winter Olympics are refusing to race until the course has been gritted!
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I hear there's a French nobleman, who has become very wealthy by investing in gravy granules.
He's the Count of Monte Bisto.
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I am overjoyed! Soon I will be able to payoff all my loans and at last be debt free.
I'm on my way to the bank, thrilled to know that in a very short while I will finally have all the money I need to begin enjoying life for once.
I am so excited I can hardly get my ski mask on!"
___
I'm Sick & tired of hearing these Olympic athletes say how much work they've put in & the sacrifices they've made...
What do they want? A bloody medal?
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My wife asked if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I replied, "I didn't even know he played cricket!"
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I’ve just had a friends request from Quasi Modo. I don’t know him but the name rings a bell.
___
Nice to see ASDA employing pensioners.
I saw an elderly guy rounding up the trollies today...
...he must have been pushing 70!
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Post by althea on May 20, 2024 9:46:05 GMT
The spare tyre was invented by a member of the Ford motor company called Justin Case.
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Post by althea on May 20, 2024 9:46:24 GMT
I have a pet termite. I call him Clint. Clint eats wood...................
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Post by althea on May 20, 2024 9:46:47 GMT
I asked the shop assistant if their insect spray was good for wasps. She said, no, it kills them.
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