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Post by rondetto on Aug 5, 2020 17:07:17 GMT
Joe said, "Know what, Charlie? I killed five flies yesterday, Three males and two females."
"How could you tell them apart, Joe?" asked Charlie.
Joe replied, "It was easy. The three males were sitting on a case of beer, and the two females were on the phone."
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Post by aubrey on Aug 6, 2020 8:29:58 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Aug 6, 2020 10:39:54 GMT
When the man first noticed that his penis was growing longer, he was delighted.
But several weeks and several inches later, he became concerned and went to see a urologist.
While his wife waited outside, the physician examined him and explained that, thought rare his condition could be corrected by minor surgery.
The patient's wife anxiously rushed up to the doctor after the examination and was told of the diagnosis and the need for surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" she asked.
"Crutches???" the doctor asked.
"Well, yes," the woman said "You are going to lengthen his legs, aren't you?"
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Post by rondetto on Aug 6, 2020 12:40:39 GMT
Passing an office building late one night, the blonde saw a sign that read, "Press bell for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed men proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled, "what do you want?"
"I just wanted to know why you couldn't ring the bell yourself."
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Post by rondetto on Aug 6, 2020 13:50:20 GMT
A man was found guilty of overusing commas.
The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.
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Post by rondetto on Aug 6, 2020 13:51:34 GMT
At the funeral of the richest man in town, a stranger saw a woman crying very loudly. The stranger said, “Are you a relative of the deceased?”
“No.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“Because I wish I had been."
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2020 4:46:45 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Aug 7, 2020 10:42:53 GMT
I saw my doctor recently and told him every time I break wind it sounds like a motorbike.
He examined me and said I have a small growth in my rectum.
When I asked if I should be concerned he said "No, but abscess makes the fart go Honda"
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:12:33 GMT
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:14:44 GMT
The difference between standing on a river bank with a stick and fishing, is a very fine line.
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:15:10 GMT
A joke isn't a pun until it's full groan.
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:15:38 GMT
I've just started a new job making chess pieces.
I start on knights next week.
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:16:16 GMT
I used to just crastinate,
but I got so good I went pro.
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:19:17 GMT
Zoo visitor: "I especially like the cage at the end, the one with the sign saying very dangerous" Zoo keeper: "Why's that then? Zoo visitor: "When you look in it's empty, you see your own reflection in the big mirror, really makes you think, you know" Zoo keeper (with fixed grin): Yeah, that's right, very philosophical isn't it?" Zoo keeper (on phone as soon as visitor leaves): "Quick! The leopard's escaped again"
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Post by althea on Aug 7, 2020 11:58:26 GMT
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