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Post by rondetto on Jun 27, 2020 14:24:19 GMT
An author wrote a novel and sent it off to a publisher. The publisher held on to the hard copy so long, that bugs got into it.
In the final analysis, the book was rejected. The story line had too many holes in it. ________________
A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Colleen has been very difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she is. Yes, I know you warned me. I remember you told me that she was evil and would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her. I should have listened to you. You want to speak with her? All right."
He looks up from the phone and calls to his wife in the next room, "Colleen, your mother wants to talk to you!"
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:05:49 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:07:12 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:08:29 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:09:19 GMT
I'm getting very emotional reading through this dictionary. I think I might be close to tears.
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:10:12 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:14:08 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:15:02 GMT
My flatmate's a naturist, it's not something I'm into, but at least I can see his point.
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Post by althea on Jun 27, 2020 16:17:23 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jun 28, 2020 7:39:08 GMT
A flying insect was apprehended in the offices of MI5 yesterday. He’s avoided all questions about why he was there, but it’s strongly suspected that he’s the Cagey Bee. Mainly because he was Russian here and Russian there.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 28, 2020 13:37:08 GMT
Eight-year-old Sally brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good…mostly A’s and a couple of B’s.
However, her teacher had written across the bottom:
Sally is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.
Sally’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back:
Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 29, 2020 6:17:33 GMT
Once upon a time there was a king who wanted to go fishing.
He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days.
So the king and queen left to go fishing. On the way they met a farmer on his donkey.
Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall.
The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on my way."
However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.
The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster.
The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."
So the king hired the donkey.
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.
And the practice continues to this day...
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Post by althea on Jun 29, 2020 9:51:09 GMT
I saw a children's library with a boarded up window yesterday. I bet there’s an interesting story behind that.
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Post by althea on Jun 29, 2020 9:51:47 GMT
Some people say you should punch psychics, some people say you shouldn’t punch psychics, but I always try to strike a happy medium.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 29, 2020 13:13:21 GMT
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory everyday and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.”
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