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Post by althea on Jun 14, 2020 11:23:16 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 14, 2020 11:24:47 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 14, 2020 11:31:38 GMT
Some people say I'm a plagiarist. Their words,not mine.
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Post by althea on Jun 14, 2020 11:32:18 GMT
I have never asked a rhetorical question. How cool is that?
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Post by althea on Jun 14, 2020 11:32:59 GMT
I've got a joke about cannibalism,which ironically,is in good taste.
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Post by althea on Jun 14, 2020 11:35:18 GMT
Limericks are art forms complex
Chiefly relating to sex
They usually have virgins
And masculine urgins
And other erotic effects.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 14, 2020 12:13:15 GMT
Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard...
Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the noise of the Niagara Falls?"
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Post by rondetto on Jun 15, 2020 7:18:36 GMT
Has Covid 19 forced you to wear masks & glasses at the same time??
Check with the government, You may be entitled to condensation compensation.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 15, 2020 10:34:22 GMT
This guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a litre of arsenic. "What's this for?" asks the pharmacist.
"It's for my wife," says the guy.
"Well," continues the pharmacist, "do you have a prescription?"
"No, but I can show you her photo!"
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Post by rondetto on Jun 15, 2020 13:21:16 GMT
Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.
Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 16, 2020 10:24:50 GMT
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening.
Inside the letter was £100 her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.
As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. - Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the £100 in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him.
The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting.
Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of money
"What's this?" she asked ..........
"That's the £8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair came in at 80-to-1."
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Post by rondetto on Jun 16, 2020 12:26:18 GMT
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this...It ruined the Ipad but That fly never knew what hit him!
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Post by althea on Jun 16, 2020 14:38:43 GMT
I bought a book to look up minor operations, but it wasn't much use as the appendix had been removed.
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Post by althea on Jun 16, 2020 14:39:52 GMT
Pirate goes to the doctor: "I have moles on my back aaaarrrrgh."
Doctor: “it’s ok they’re benign!
Pirate: Count again! I think there be ten!
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Post by althea on Jun 16, 2020 14:40:29 GMT
Every day of his working life Keith leaves the factory with a wheelbarrow full of rubbish. Each evening after the final siren, the guard at the front gate of the factory yard silently watches Keith as he trundles past pushing a wheelbarrow full to the brim with assorted waste.
Many years pass and Keith announces his retirement. True to form, after the day’s final siren, on the day of his retirement, Keith makes his away across the yard with a wheelbarrow full of rubbish.
The guard at the front gate has decided that he has one last chance. He breaks his years of silence to ask Keith a question:
“Keith, tell me, why have you departed each day taking away rubbish?”
Keith looks surprised by the question. He stoops to let the wheelbarrow down and stands to face the guard that he may answer the question:
“Rubbish? No, I’ve been taking wheelbarrows.”
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