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Post by althea on Jul 25, 2019 10:22:56 GMT
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Post by althea on Jul 25, 2019 10:23:33 GMT
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Post by althea on Jul 25, 2019 10:24:19 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jul 25, 2019 17:50:34 GMT
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you.
But you do the same thing on an airplane, and everyone joins in.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 26, 2019 11:21:01 GMT
Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."
Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 PM.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 26, 2019 16:42:49 GMT
Mrs. Donnell said to her maid: "Oh Mary, I suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary."
"I don't believe it," Mary snapped: "you're just saying that to make me jealous."
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Post by rondetto on Jul 27, 2019 11:50:08 GMT
Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just then a passenger had the following conversation with the captain.
Passenger: "How far is land, from here? "
Captain: "Two miles... "
Passenger:"Only two miles, then why are these fools making a noise. I can swim that far."
Captain: .....?
Passenger: "Just tell me in which direction, land is two miles from here? "
Captain: "Downward sir......good luck."
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Post by rondetto on Jul 28, 2019 7:22:51 GMT
-------------------------
Bob's Annual Review:
-------------------------
1. Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues.Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Addendum: That idiot was standing over my shoulder while
I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only
the odd lines.
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Post by rondetto on Jul 28, 2019 12:38:06 GMT
A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
"Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
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Post by rondetto on Jul 28, 2019 12:44:55 GMT
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay then?"
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Post by althea on Jul 28, 2019 18:07:06 GMT
How did I get here?
A little girl asked her mother how she got here. Her mother, misty-eyed, smiled and replied, “Once upon a time your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The little seed grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it, and got so high that we made love without a condom.”
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2019 18:57:18 GMT
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Post by aubrey on Jul 29, 2019 8:31:51 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jul 29, 2019 8:42:59 GMT
After drinking, Men talk unnecessarily, Become emotional,
Drive badly, Stop thinking, Fight for no reason.
Women can do all these without drinking!
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Post by rondetto on Jul 29, 2019 12:35:30 GMT
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office.
"We have come for an examination," said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off."
"No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue..."
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