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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 14:34:13 GMT
Dear Mary,
I got married recently and am more than happy, but I am wondering if my husband is what they call a 'sex maniac'. I don't want to ask my girlfriends as they might think my experiences are absolutely normal, becasue I was a virgin when I go married so have no real knowledge of how 'active' men are.
He wants me all the time and although it is for the most part very enjoyable I am starting to suffer from lack of sleep. Also he has swept the crockery off the kitchen table so many times and got passionate with what he calls a 'desk edger' that I am starting to run out of plates, and my mother gave me some of them.
Yesterday he even took me from behind when I was bending over looking in the freezer. It was very nice, but now we are banned from Sainsburys.
What should I do?
Dotty from Deptford
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Post by ARENA on Apr 2, 2014 15:03:11 GMT
Dear Mary Grant
My parntner, Darren, a shelf stacking executive at Iceland, came home last night clutching an Iceland carrier bag. You know the ones, with the penguin wearing a reddish wig, on and the front and the slogan 'Ice to see you....to see you ice!' Anyroad, he emptied it onto the kitchen table,barely missing the Thai style lasagne, I was defrosting. Out tumbled a whip, two Boris Johnson masks and an economy sized jar of Jamie Oliver's parrafin jelly.
He's been suggesting we have 'an early one' all night. What do you think he means?
Thoughtful Thelma
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2014 15:25:37 GMT
Thelma,
I will give this deep thought over night.........
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2014 8:04:57 GMT
Dear Thelma,
I am sure you are worrying unnecessarily. It is likely that the whip and the Boris Johnson masks have a perfectly innocent explanation. They could have been left over from an advertising promotion for the store, or Darren might be collecting items to go on the Gay Pride march with his co-worker Clive.
As for the Jamie Oliver economy size paraffin jelly, I think if his intentions were less than honourable it would have been the large size. You did not say what flavour it was. You will be fine with strawberry, but avoid the fish flavour as this can cause some confusion.
Mary
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 15:00:44 GMT
Dear Mary Grant
A few munfs ago I met this smashing lad in the tattoo parlour and we have been togever now ever since. He has got the names of all his children tattooed on his arm – well he had one taken orf cos he found out she wasn’t his but it never shows.
He has got a great job working as a skaffolder and has taken me to some really posh places. One of em even had real fish in a tank and you never had to queue up for your food cos a posh bloke in a suit brung it to you after you had chosen it from a list.
He is a right larf and we have had some fun. He even said we would av to call the fire brigade when my tounge stud got hooked up in his Prince Albert one night but I found out after he was only messing after about half an hour.
He wants to take me on holiday on an airoplane and I aint never been on one of them so am quite exited. He has been to lots of places like Spain and Greece with the lads and has only ever been banged up once in Spain while he was there so I feel quite safe wiv im.
He always reckons I have got a smashing body and lots of blokes have said so before. I am 44 (DD) 26 37 and it is all mine. I don’t wear nuffin tarty but have got a couple of crop tops that show it all orf, and some of the ink and the belly button piercings
He has tolled me he likes lots of tit and has offered to pay for me to have a boob job. I am sorta OK wiv that but am a bit worried. I have herd that they can burst if I sleep on me front and can xplode in an airoplane and I do really want to go away wiv him.
What should I do?
Norma Snockers
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2014 17:47:56 GMT
Dear Norma,
What a lovely bloke! You've made him sound so sensitive and yet so manly.
I'm certainly intrigued by your figures. Norma, DD isn't a huge cup size dear, but a 44 back could be seen as little excessive especially in crop tops. Have you thought of Kaftans instead? They are so good at the 'less is more' idea and the colours are so vibrant that you will still be wowing the locals. Are you sure you want to get an 'enhancement' before you go away? I fear that you may struggle with buoyancy whilst swimming and be pitched forward raising your tattooed bottom for all to read.
On your return if you still feel the need perhaps you could both have a bit of work done. You could still have a boob job and maybe he could have an enhancement on his....well I'm sure you get my drift.
Mary
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Post by scorp on Apr 22, 2014 20:00:24 GMT
Dear Norma
We wish to protest against the use of patently false, and sexually provocative pseudonyms.
Norma Sarce Gloria Stitz
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2014 13:03:49 GMT
Wotya sayin? Wots rong wiv my name? If you are takin the piss my bloke will come rand and punch yer bleedin lights out.
Kaftans are for them forin geezers aint they.
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Post by ARENA on Jun 4, 2014 11:00:07 GMT
Dear Mary Grant
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
S.P. Distra
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2014 13:01:35 GMT
Dear S.P Distra.
Did you hear one of them say to you 'lets be friends?'
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Post by goldelox on Jun 5, 2014 9:25:33 GMT
Weak JJ.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2014 10:47:04 GMT
Weak JJ. True, but I will try to improve.
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Post by scorp on Jun 5, 2014 10:51:19 GMT
My dear S.P.
Really, you shouldn't make decisions on such slim evidence. I understand what you are implying - you think that these ladies may well be of the Sapphic tendency. Well, that is no business of yours, is it?
Tolerance must be our watchword - people are people, with a right to their dignity and their place in our egalitarian society.
Besides, if the butch one is a real diesel dyke she may kick the shit out of you.
Sincerely, Mary
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Post by ARENA on Jun 5, 2014 11:09:00 GMT
Dear Miss Grant
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
Sadly yours
Philomena Brackett
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Post by Deleted on Jun 5, 2014 11:31:31 GMT
Dear Miss Grant I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his. Sadly yours Philomena Brackett Nice one Arena. I had to think about that!
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