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Post by althea on Nov 13, 2024 16:47:28 GMT
Teacher: "Tommy., who was Anne Boleyn?"
Tommy: "She was a flat-iron."
Teacher: "What on earth do you mean?"
Tommy: "Well, it says here in the history book 'Henry VIII, having disposed of Catherine of Aragon, pressed his suit with Anne Boleyn'."
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Post by althea on Nov 13, 2024 16:50:20 GMT
This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"?
The bartender says, "No we only sell beer here". The duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"?
The bartender says, "No I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I'm going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves.
The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no".
The duck asks "Do you have any grapes"?
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Post by althea on Nov 13, 2024 16:59:00 GMT
Picked up a job monitoring the playground.
I'm working the swing shift.
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Post by waiting4atickle on Nov 13, 2024 23:02:34 GMT
I saw this useful 'marriage tip' today - your wife will never start a fight while you're cleaning.
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Post by althea on Nov 14, 2024 14:12:23 GMT
The little man went into the bikers pub, and squeeked "who owns the Doberman
tied to the lamp-post?"
A big burly biker said "me, why?"
"I think my four week old puppy killed him"
The biker roared and grabbed the little man by the throat..
"how could your puppy kill my Doberman"
"It appears that he choked on it, sir."
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Post by althea on Nov 14, 2024 14:13:03 GMT
My husband thinks that now we are older, we should sleep in separate beds.
I choose Jack's at number 24.
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Post by althea on Nov 14, 2024 14:13:28 GMT
My uncle works with Digital radios.
You could say he’s a DAB hand.
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Post by althea on Nov 14, 2024 14:13:51 GMT
A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender: How much for a beer? The bartender replies: For you, no charge.
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Post by althea on Nov 14, 2024 14:14:33 GMT
Man in bar constantly checking his watch, lady ask why? has he been stood up?, No, he replied, it is a magic watch that tell me all sorts of things, for example, it tells me you are not wearing any underwear.
I'll have you know I AM wearing underwear.
Damn, watch is an hour fast.... would you like a drink?
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Post by althea on Nov 14, 2024 14:14:54 GMT
A toothless termite walks into the pub and says "Is the Bartender here?"
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Post by ARENA on Nov 14, 2024 14:34:11 GMT
I only drink beer on two occasions........
when it's my birthday and when it's not.
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Post by ARENA on Nov 14, 2024 16:35:29 GMT
My father worked twelve hours a day to put food on the table. A brilliant chef but painfully slow.
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Post by althea on Nov 15, 2024 12:14:10 GMT
A man comes home early from work to find his wife in bed naked and a man in the bathroom clapping his hands.
"I'm from the council, your wife reported moths," he explained.
"But you're naked," says the husband.
At which the lover stops clapping, looks down in surprise and says, "The bar stewards!"
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Post by althea on Nov 15, 2024 12:16:50 GMT
Fact of the day: Did you know the soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called ‘Bear’ who wrote telephone on-hold music.
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Post by althea on Nov 15, 2024 12:28:13 GMT
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old crone, entered the
doctor's office. "We have come for an examination" said the young girl.
"Alright," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes
off."
"No, not me" said the girl. "it's my 90 year old aunt here."
"Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, please stick out your tongue."
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