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Post by rondetto on Mar 23, 2024 17:12:07 GMT
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London has been dismissed from her
job, much to the dismay of colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with
her treatment.
It seems a male caller dialled 999 from a mobile phone stating, "I am
depressed and lying here on a railway track. I am waiting for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently "remain calm and stay on the line" was not considered to be an appropriate or correct response..
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Jake: "I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I am comfortably seated."
Lily: "So what do you do?"
Jake: "I have to close my eyes."
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I suggested to the wife we start swinging to help our sex lives. I came home and found a couple of mobility harnesses dangling from the bedroom ceiling.
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Some idiot just whacked me with a 12 pack of toilet rolls in the supermarket 😔
I think I might have "soft tissue damage"
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Post by rondetto on Mar 25, 2024 11:14:49 GMT
First off I am ok. 😑 😬
I was a little shaken up this morning as I was robbed at a petrol station in Broughton. After my hands stopped trembling I managed to call the police. They were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is all gone. The police asked me if I knew who did it. I said "Yes...
It was pump number 3."
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Paddy is at the airport carrying two sacks over his shoulders. All of a sudden he is approached by two customs officers. They searched both sacks and found them full of mobile phones.
They asked: "Why do you have such a lot pf phones Paddy?"
Paddy replies, "Well I was on my way to America when I got a message from my mate Murphy in Cork. He told me he was starting up a jazz band and could I take with me two saxophones."
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A pretty, young girl zebra walks into a farmyard and sees a chicken. She asked; what do you do? I lay eggs for the farm, was the reply.
Then she sees a cow and asks; what do you do? Provide milk for the farm, was that reply.
She then sees a sheep and asks the same question. I supply wool for the farmer, it replies. Next she sees a stallion and asks, so what do YOU do?
The stallion said; Take off those pyjamas, and I'll show you!"
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The Wife just asked me if she was boring me.She said i yawned 5 times while she was talking to me.I said they were not yawnes.They were 5 attempts to speak.
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Post by althea on Mar 25, 2024 12:26:08 GMT
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Post by althea on Mar 25, 2024 12:38:38 GMT
My new book, "Hours, Minutes and Seconds" is finally being published. It's about time.
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Post by althea on Mar 25, 2024 12:41:54 GMT
I bought a suit jacket from the Mamas and Papas. All the sleeves were brown and the tie was grey.
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Post by rondetto on Mar 26, 2024 12:27:45 GMT
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same
manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall,
she drove to a new shopping precinct.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried Clearasil?"
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An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.
"I'm 90 years old," he says.
"Ninety!" replies the woman. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
"Oh, sorry," says the old man. "How much do I owe you?"
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Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
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After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.
“Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”
“In that case” I replied, “You can have my husband.”
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 13:27:22 GMT
If Elon Musk was involved in a scandal would it be known as Elongate?
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 13:28:07 GMT
The AA, the RAC - don't get me started.......
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 13:28:53 GMT
Head and Shoulders - the perfect shampoo for people with hairy shoulders.
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 13:29:52 GMT
They have covered the Eiffel tower with camouflage netting. Personally, I can't see the attraction....
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 14:13:10 GMT
When people say, "Enjoy them while they're young." They're talking about your knees and hips.
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 14:16:37 GMT
"Put out the light," she said. " But what about the boats?" asked the lighthouse keeper. "Carry me up the stairs," she said. "I'd rather not," said the lighthouse keeper. "Our relationship is on the rocks. "she said. "That's inevitable," said the lighthouse keeper.
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Post by althea on Mar 26, 2024 14:17:45 GMT
I have no formal training in gardening. I am learning through trowel and error.
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Post by althea on Mar 27, 2024 11:14:57 GMT
Pablo Picostco
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Post by althea on Mar 27, 2024 11:21:24 GMT
People tell me I'm getting fatter, but lately I have had a lot on my plate.
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