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Post by althea on Jun 7, 2020 15:23:15 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 7, 2020 15:23:43 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 7, 2020 15:26:03 GMT
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Post by althea on Jun 7, 2020 15:32:48 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jun 8, 2020 11:07:10 GMT
After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
“I just had a dream that you gave me the most beautiful diamond necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You'll know tonight.” he said with a smile.
The woman could hardly think of anything else all day and she couldn't wait for her husband to return home.
That evening, the man finally came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it excitedly to find a book entitled…
“The Meaning of Dreams”
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Post by althea on Jun 8, 2020 12:08:59 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jun 8, 2020 18:28:24 GMT
A couple living in the USA, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.
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Post by goodlookingone on Jun 9, 2020 11:10:25 GMT
Only just found this thread. Only got as far as Page 5, so gotta way to go, So Apols if this has been heard....
A man on the train on his way home from work. He hears a tale of adjacent Homegoing workers that causes some disquiet, but neverthe less relates the Story to his wife when He gets home.
He tells her about their Milkman deliverer. .. The Milkman had Ravaged all the women in their Cul-de-sac. .. except one?
He tells his wife, and smiles at her lovingly about the Non Compliant housewife, and Hugs her... She smiles back deep in thought, then tells him...
"I bet it's that stuck-up woman at Number 19............"
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Post by rondetto on Jun 9, 2020 11:12:11 GMT
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female… sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn’t that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”
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Post by rondetto on Jun 9, 2020 12:50:56 GMT
A tramp knocked on the door of the inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answered the door.
The tramp said, “Could you give a poor man something to eat?”
"No,” said the woman, slamming the door in his face.
He knocked again and said, “In that case could I have a few words with George?”
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Post by rondetto on Jun 9, 2020 13:50:41 GMT
I had always prided myself on being an "on time" person. One morning I overslept and rushed around getting ready for Sunday school. As I ran out the door, my husband tried to say something.
"What?" I called back. "Don't slow me down, I'm late!"
"No you're not," he responded. "It's Saturday."
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Post by rondetto on Jun 9, 2020 15:13:24 GMT
The place where I work decided to provide mobile phones to the typing staff upstairs. After negotiating a deal with a phone company, we arranged for the phones to be sent to the homes of the various typists.
The day after delivery, I received a call from a girl screaming about how her mobile phone didn't work. She said she charged it overnight just like the sheet said, but in the morning, it wouldn't power up.
I asked EXACTLY what she did with the phone when she got it.
"I took it out, plugged the charger into the wall and into the phone."
"Did you put the battery in the phone?"
"What the extra one?"
"Miss," I said, "the phone only came with one battery."
(Pause) "Oh, I think I figured out what's wrong with it."
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Post by rondetto on Jun 10, 2020 7:30:48 GMT
So once there was an Chinese man, A Polish man, and an Englishman all in the same plane. Now the Chinese man Takes a pair of chopsticks and throws them out of the window.
Then he claims "We have too many of those in my country!".
Then the Polish man grabs his sausages, throws them out the window and says "We have too many of this in my country!".
Then the English man picks up the Polish man and throws him out of the window and claims "We have too many of these in my country!".
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Post by ARENA on Jun 10, 2020 11:39:42 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jun 10, 2020 13:23:38 GMT
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.
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