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Post by althea on May 30, 2020 18:58:00 GMT
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Post by rondetto on May 31, 2020 7:51:54 GMT
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: “Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?”
The guy falling responded, “Nope, you know how to open a parachute?"
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Post by rondetto on May 31, 2020 10:49:43 GMT
A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove
When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.
On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: “Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?”
The guy falling responded, “Nope, you know how to open a parachute?"
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Post by rondetto on May 31, 2020 13:07:41 GMT
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. His co-worker, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. Just an old football injury that acts up once in awhile."
Josh said, "Gee, I never knew you played football."
Andy replied, "No, I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost £100 on United to win the league. I put my foot through the television...."
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Post by rondetto on Jun 1, 2020 7:57:32 GMT
"Corporal Jones, I didn’t see you at camouflage training today"
"Well Thank you sir...."
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Post by anybody on Jun 1, 2020 8:42:29 GMT
Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
I've always had an irrational fear of speed bumps. But I'm slowly getting over it.
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 1, 2020 14:25:26 GMT
What happened when they crossed a carrier pigeon with a woodpecker?
The bird not only delivered the mail, but also knocked on the door.
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Post by aubrey on Jun 1, 2020 18:30:26 GMT
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Post by aubrey on Jun 2, 2020 7:22:35 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Jun 2, 2020 8:49:24 GMT
A husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.
However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly,
"Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."
The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.
Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"
No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate love for three hours.
Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.
Her husband looks over and grunts "You clumsy cow."
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Post by rondetto on Jun 2, 2020 17:29:54 GMT
I just had a phone call from a mate of mine, he said his wife left him last week, said she was only going out for some milk. I asked how he was coping. "Oh, not too bad , he replied, "I'm using some of that powdered milk."
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Post by rondetto on Jun 3, 2020 7:29:25 GMT
“Look, Charlie,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.”
“Yes sir, I understand.”
“Good, Charlie. Now, would you explain that to your father on the touchline."
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I came home from work this evening and said to my wife, "Are we having salad for dinner?"
"Yes we are, how did you know?" she asked.
I replied, "Because I can't hear the smoke alarm."
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Post by aubrey on Jun 3, 2020 8:34:34 GMT
Why did the Chicken cross the road? For a photo-op at the Church.
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Post by rondetto on Jun 3, 2020 13:42:34 GMT
My Wife said: " I’m mad "
I said:: "Again or still?"
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Deleted
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Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 4, 2020 3:24:20 GMT
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