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Post by rondetto on Feb 13, 2020 14:02:11 GMT
I was sitting at a bar with a friend the other night when he casually pointed across the bar from us and said, "see those two old drunks sitting there...that's going to be us in ten years."
I looked and him and said, "It is us, that's a mirror stupid!"
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Post by rondetto on Feb 13, 2020 18:53:38 GMT
Local church bulletins
"Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Memorial Church. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Ushers will eat latecomers.
Miss Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
We are Under same management for thousands of years.
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Post by rondetto on Feb 14, 2020 11:40:23 GMT
Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
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Post by jonjel on Feb 14, 2020 15:41:04 GMT
Swimming with dolphins is damned expensive.
But swimming with sharks can cost an arm and a leg.
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Post by aubrey on Feb 14, 2020 18:49:37 GMT
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Post by caedmon ★★★ on Feb 14, 2020 20:00:06 GMT
This spoilt rich teenaged girl pushes her BMW into a service station.
She told the mechanic: "It died." After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly. She asks: "What's the story?" He said: "Just krap in the carburettor." She asks: "How often do I have to do that?" | |
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Post by rondetto on Feb 15, 2020 11:15:54 GMT
Until my wife came home yesterday evening I had been in a dilemma Should I give her 6,12 or even 18 Roses. In the end i gave her the whole box.
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Post by rondetto on Feb 15, 2020 11:24:02 GMT
We all know that Einstien was a genius.
But, did you know his brother Frank was a monster.
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Post by aubrey on Feb 15, 2020 12:17:17 GMT
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Post by aubrey on Feb 15, 2020 12:21:16 GMT
I was sitting at a bar with a friend the other night when he casually pointed across the bar from us and said, "see those two old drunks sitting there...that's going to be us in ten years."
I looked and him and said, "It is us, that's a mirror stupid!"
I was once in an exercise class at the hospital. We had to do a warm-up before we were allowed on the "equipment." We were all shuffling about and I happened to look up to see a group of people on the far side of the room, all shuffling about just as we were, and I thought, Who are those decrepit-looking old buggers? Then I realised.
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Post by rondetto on Feb 15, 2020 14:48:04 GMT
A tour bus load full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"
"1215," answers the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, "Bugger! We just missed it by a half hour!"
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Post by rondetto on Feb 16, 2020 11:13:11 GMT
"Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise."
"Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one."
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Post by aubrey on Feb 16, 2020 12:47:55 GMT
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Post by jimmy20 on Feb 16, 2020 13:04:45 GMT
Aub, there will be many who haven't a clue what that is
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Post by rondetto on Feb 16, 2020 18:48:40 GMT
“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?” asks a doctor his patient.
“Yes, just like you said, doctor,"
“And is the bronchitis gone now?”
“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and mobile phone.”
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