An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, “You’re an engineer you’re in the wrong place.”
So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says, “So, how are things in Hell?”
Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And, there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”
“What! You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake – he should never have been sent to Hell… send him to me.”
“Not a chance! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”
God insists, “Send him back or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?”
Don't waste words on people who deserve your silence. Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I’m sorry neighbour, but I have a confession to make to you. I’ve been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to your face but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth is, I have been sharing your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, probably more than you, particularly in the mornings after you’ve left for work. I haven’t been getting it at home recently, but that's no excuse I know. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies. My wife has known for some time now and I’ve promised her that it won't happen again. Regards, Alan.
Bob, feeling anguished and betrayed, immediately went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife twice in the head, killing her instantly. He returned to the lounge where he poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.
He took out his phone to respond to the neighbour's text and saw he had another message:- "Hi Bob, This is Alan next door again. Sorry about the slight typo on my last text, I expect you worked it out. Anyway, but as I’m sure you noticed, my predictive text changed ‘WiFi’ To ‘Wife’. Hope you saw the funny side of that. Regards, Alan