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Post by rondetto on Aug 22, 2019 18:21:22 GMT
Paddy & Murphy are doing the crossword puzzle.
Paddy asks: "How do you spell paint?"
Murphy replies: "What colour??"...
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Post by rondetto on Aug 22, 2019 18:27:33 GMT
Last week a man had an accident in his car and got trapped. Fortunately two couples, Mr and Mrs Smith, and Mr and Mrs Ball, were at the scene. He was well pleased he got pulled out by the Smiths....
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2019 1:12:53 GMT
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Post by rondetto on Aug 23, 2019 12:02:47 GMT
Last year I checked into the hotel in Spain and noticed some business cards at reception. One was for a girl called Angie, it said she gave a great massage and extras. Once settled, I rang the number on the card and said: "Hi Angie, my name's Ron and I would like a massage, maybe some action between the sheets with all the extras." The reply came: "Sir, that sounds very good, but you first have to dial 9 to get an outside line."
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Post by rondetto on Aug 23, 2019 17:26:06 GMT
I was watching the Manchester united game on tv last week when they drew 1 each with Wolves. A drunken man ran on to the pitch during the second half. I thought he was funny
but many didn't, they made him man of the match.
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Post by rondetto on Aug 24, 2019 15:55:36 GMT
Joan and her neighbour are talking about their daughters. Joan says, "My daughter is at the university. She's very bright, you know. Every time we get a letter from her we have to go to the dictionary."
Her neighbour says, "You're lucky, every time we hear from our daughter we have to go to the bank."
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Post by rondetto on Aug 25, 2019 11:16:02 GMT
Bridegroom: "Dear, we've been back from the Caribbean for a month now. We've been in our apartment now for nearly a month. Isn't it time we were alone?"
Bride: "But darling, we are alone, aren't we?"
Bridegroom: "What I mean is, when can we get your mother out of here?"
Bride: "MY mother? I thought she was YOUR mother!!!"
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Post by rondetto on Aug 25, 2019 11:54:12 GMT
I joined a sewing forum I have never seen so many threads...
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Post by rondetto on Aug 25, 2019 11:55:49 GMT
Paddy went for an interview and he was very successful as he got the job.
His new boss proceed to explain how things work and what he would be doing.
"Right the pay you'll be starting on is £15" The Boss said. "Later it goes up to £25"
Paddy says "Ok, Can I start later?"
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Post by rondetto on Aug 25, 2019 12:20:06 GMT
I think Ladies make better wallpaper hangers than Men. The best lady wallpaper hanger I ever saw was Anna Glypta....
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Post by rondetto on Aug 25, 2019 13:40:16 GMT
I was having a pint at the bar when a stunning girl came in. She was wearing the most amazing figure hugging jeans, that looked as if they must have been sprayed on.
I asked her "how on earth do you get into those jeans?"
She answered "well you can start by buying me a drink"
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 25, 2019 14:56:37 GMT
I think Ladies make better wallpaper hangers than Men. The best lady wallpaper hanger I ever saw was Anna Glypta.... Trouble with her was once she stuck to your walls she was the devil to get off
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Post by rondetto on Aug 26, 2019 11:27:16 GMT
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."
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Post by aubrey on Aug 26, 2019 12:50:48 GMT
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."
The Painter and his Model:
What will I use to reproduce your cotton dress on canvas? Strips from this abandoned cotton dress And what will I use to reproduce the fabric of these panties? Shreds from these discarded underclothes And what will I use to reproduce this little pink mouth With lips but no teeth? Lips but no teeth
The painter and his model, the girl The theatre and its double, the world
Only the perfect medium can reproduce the beauty Of eyes and lips and flesh and teeth and hair Only the best materials can capture these feelings For eyes and lips and teeth and flesh and hair The ultimate unity of fingers, brush and breast Feel my fingers brush your breast
The painter and his model, the girl The theatre and its double, the world
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Post by rondetto on Aug 26, 2019 14:50:24 GMT
I have a dog I need to re-home. It is a black and white terrier and tends to barks a lot.
If you are interested, let me know and I will jump over my neighbours fence and get it for you....
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