The Marital Bed.

maywalk
Silver Surfer

Posts: 142

The Marital Bed. Apr 11, 2015 14:10:44 GMT althea likes this

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Post by maywalk on Apr 11, 2015 14:10:44 GMT

The Marital Bed

For Gawds sake move over and let me get in
Its not very warm and my nightie’s quite thin
Panting and pushing to get him over the line
I only want half the bed the part I call mine.

I’m just dozing off to sleep when my calves go in a clamp
I jump out very quickly because I have the ruddy cramp
I can hear my other half snoring well in the ‘land of nod’
While I’m limping up and down thinking ‘you are a lucky sod’.

The cramp is slowly subsiding so I try my luck once again
More pushing shoving and heaving he really is a pain.
I close my eyes and let my mind drift like a rowing boat
When suddenly I’m choking with an elbow in my throat.

After being rudely awakened I settle down once more
Oh strewth! its started up again that never ending snore.
I bury my head in the pillow with the cover over my head
I’ve had this nightly torture since the first day that we wed.

I give him a dig to make him stop and turn the other way
Oh blow me down! here we go! he’s taken the whole duvet.
I pull it back with very much force, I have to be quite tough
So he turns over with it and puts his knees right up my duff.

I settle down once more to sleep the rest of the night through
When suddenly the bedclothes go back he has to visit the loo.
I turn to look at the clock, the hands say half past three
“Oh Lord!” I pray “let me get some rest, please be good to me”.

My other half gets back into bed shaking me back to life
I think I deserve a medal for being an understanding wife.
I hear the clock chime four o’clock I guess God never heard
I may as well get out of bed and do yesterdays crossword

Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2001 - All rights reserved

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ARENA Administrator Those who believe without reason cannot be convinced by reason Posts: 14,196	The Marital Bed. Apr 12, 2015 8:54:30 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ARENA on Apr 12, 2015 8:54:30 GMT Love it!
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goldelox Pin-up poster Posts: 1,764	The Marital Bed. Apr 12, 2015 8:55:43 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by goldelox on Apr 12, 2015 8:55:43 GMT Excellent & how true.
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maywalk
Silver Surfer

Posts: 142

The Marital Bed. Apr 12, 2015 17:28:05 GMT althea likes this

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Post by maywalk on Apr 12, 2015 17:28:05 GMT

Thanks for the replies folks. Here is another poem. I can only write about true happenings. I am NO good at fiction.

AWANDERING WE GO

A typical conversation between myself and my spouse
Is one that I imagine goes on in another persons house
“Have you seen my glasses?” my husband said to me
“I have got to put a screw in, without them I cannot see.”

So we wander round from room to room without much hope until
I spot them in the bathroom perched on the windowsill
“What did I do with my screwdriver, I put it down somewhere”
We start another wander round and spot it on a chair.

Before I was interrupted there was something I was going to do
Oh yes! Now I remember I was about to clean the loo.
“You cannot go in there just yet I want to fix the blind”
This was my husband talking, practically up my behind.

So I decided to peel the potatoes ready for our dinner
I really thought that this time I was on a winner.
“Can you come and hold this for me, while I push this in the slot?”
My mind boggled at this prospect when in the bathroom I did trot

It was his hammer I had to hold Thank God! As he finished his chore
But I spotted a spider in the bath and made headway for the door.
My other half started to tidy up and was putting away his kit
Saying at the same time “It is a good job I am still well and fit.”

I had just managed to finish the loo when I heard my husband complain
“Have you seen my glasses?” he yelled, Oh Gawd! Here we go again.
Our natures are very different I am the one with the shortest fuse
But after fifty seven years of marriage we fit like a pair of old shoes.

Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2000 - All rights reserved

Just for the record its over 65 years now since we got married.

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maywalk
Silver Surfer

Posts: 142

The Marital Bed. Apr 14, 2015 21:02:26 GMT

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Post by maywalk on Apr 14, 2015 21:02:26 GMT

ALL GODS CREATURES

It was Sunday morning service and the church felt damp and cold
The congregation was singing hymns as the church bell loudly tolled
I peeped out of my pocket hideout and a woman saw me and cried
"Oh my god it is a rat, get out of my way I want to get outside"

The hymn came to an abrupt end the vicar was none too pleased
I ran back quickly to my hideout so that I would not be seized.
Chaos reigned as everyone looked under each and every pew
If I could speak instead of squeak I would pop up and shout "Boo."

Billy was my master and he had gone to church with his mum
She said, "Wait until I get you home you'll wish you had not come"
By this time I had ventured out and perched upon Billy's head
The vicar looked down from the pulpit and this is what he said,

"We will say a prayer for one of Gods creatures for it is a tiny thing"
Just then Billy looked down sharply and I did a backward fling.
I fell into a woman's lap and she let out a piercing scream
Pandemonium broke out it was just like a very bad dream,

Billy managed to catch me and his mother marched him out
I think he was in for big trouble this was without a doubt.
All that trouble that I caused in what they call God's house
It's not as though I am an elephant I am just a tame white mouse.

Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2003 - All rights reserved

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ARENA
Administrator

Those who believe without reason cannot be convinced by reason

Posts: 14,196

The Marital Bed. Dec 23, 2015 13:56:41 GMT

Quote

Post by ARENA on Dec 23, 2015 13:56:41 GMT

Apr 11, 2015 14:10:44 GMT maywalk said:

The Marital Bed

For Gawds sake move over and let me get in
Its not very warm and my nightie’s quite thin
Panting and pushing to get him over the line
I only want half the bed the part I call mine.

I’m just dozing off to sleep when my calves go in a clamp
I jump out very quickly because I have the ruddy cramp
I can hear my other half snoring well in the ‘land of nod’
While I’m limping up and down thinking ‘you are a lucky sod’.

The cramp is slowly subsiding so I try my luck once again
More pushing shoving and heaving he really is a pain.
I close my eyes and let my mind drift like a rowing boat
When suddenly I’m choking with an elbow in my throat.

After being rudely awakened I settle down once more
Oh strewth! its started up again that never ending snore.
I bury my head in the pillow with the cover over my head
I’ve had this nightly torture since the first day that we wed.

I give him a dig to make him stop and turn the other way
Oh blow me down! here we go! he’s taken the whole duvet.
I pull it back with very much force, I have to be quite tough
So he turns over with it and puts his knees right up my duff.

I settle down once more to sleep the rest of the night through
When suddenly the bedclothes go back he has to visit the loo.
I turn to look at the clock, the hands say half past three
“Oh Lord!” I pray “let me get some rest, please be good to me”.

My other half gets back into bed shaking me back to life
I think I deserve a medal for being an understanding wife.
I hear the clock chime four o’clock I guess God never heard
I may as well get out of bed and do yesterdays crossword

Copyright © - Maisie Walker 2001 - All rights reserved

Are you Maisie Walker?

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Keep Oldie interesting.Keep posting.

Deleted Deleted Member Posts: 0	The Marital Bed. Dec 23, 2015 15:59:50 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2015 15:59:50 GMT I think her nom de plume on the board could be a bit of a clue there Arena! But I like the verse. Makes me want to get creative in my rather dull childish way soon
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maywalk Silver Surfer Posts: 142	The Marital Bed. Dec 23, 2015 20:22:12 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by maywalk on Dec 23, 2015 20:22:12 GMT Yes thats me Arena. Any books that I have written I have donated to my local Childrens Hospice so that all proceeds can make life a bit easier for those poor little souls. Cheers.
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althea Pin-up poster Posts: 10,322	The Marital Bed. Jun 9, 2016 10:44:41 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by althea on Jun 9, 2016 10:44:41 GMT I love your poems maywalk.It seems to me, that you may have been living in my house.Your words really strike a chord.
	Back to Top I came. I saw. I conked out.

maywalk
Silver Surfer

Posts: 142

The Marital Bed. Jun 15, 2016 16:42:24 GMT

Quote

Post by maywalk on Jun 15, 2016 16:42:24 GMT

Hello folks.
Sorry I have not been around but I lost my hubby in April and its been a heck of a job trying to get everything passed over to my name because we had all home correspondence in jont names. Just beginning to see the light now after all this time.
YES I am Maisie Walker.

Last Edit: Jun 15, 2016 16:43:34 GMT by maywalk - Back to Top

ARENA Administrator Those who believe without reason cannot be convinced by reason Posts: 14,196	The Marital Bed. Jun 15, 2016 17:08:15 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ARENA on Jun 15, 2016 17:08:15 GMT Sorry to hear of your loss, my dear but so nice to have you back on board.
	Back to Top Keep Oldie interesting.Keep posting.

althea Pin-up poster Posts: 10,322	The Marital Bed. Jun 15, 2016 18:20:49 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by althea on Jun 15, 2016 18:20:49 GMT So sad to hear your news Maisie.I admire your poetry.
	Back to Top I came. I saw. I conked out.

ARENA Administrator Those who believe without reason cannot be convinced by reason Posts: 14,196	The Marital Bed. Mar 5, 2017 14:42:07 GMT aubrey, clioseward, and 1 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by ARENA on Mar 5, 2017 14:42:07 GMT Welcome Maisie. Nice to see you again.
	Back to Top Keep Oldie interesting.Keep posting.

Post by maywalk on Apr 11, 2015 14:10:44 GMT

Post by ARENA on Apr 12, 2015 8:54:30 GMT

Post by goldelox on Apr 12, 2015 8:55:43 GMT

Post by maywalk on Apr 12, 2015 17:28:05 GMT

Post by maywalk on Apr 14, 2015 21:02:26 GMT

Post by ARENA on Dec 23, 2015 13:56:41 GMT

Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2015 15:59:50 GMT

Post by maywalk on Dec 23, 2015 20:22:12 GMT

Post by althea on Jun 9, 2016 10:44:41 GMT

Post by maywalk on Jun 15, 2016 16:42:24 GMT

Post by ARENA on Jun 15, 2016 17:08:15 GMT

Post by althea on Jun 15, 2016 18:20:49 GMT

Post by ARENA on Mar 5, 2017 14:42:07 GMT

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