British joke

I just got off a Ryanair flight from Dublin to Gatwick. This bloke was threatening to shoot flight attendants after they stopped serving him drinks.

Apparently he's been charged with making death threats and, if convicted, he could lose his pilot's license.

Blimey - this place is littered with bodies!

Long ago, In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.


After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches etc) that protocol
decrees, the retiring colonel said, You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he's my right-hand man, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall. "Smithers, old man,tell your new CO about yourself."

"Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history
of....."

Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fu*k off."