Management Speak

My dear son's just been promoted. He sent me a text message to let me know, explaining rather sheepishly that the title of his new job is "Experience Enhancement Officer".

I've no idea what it means, but as long as it pays more I'm very happy for him.

The incident did remind me of how very much I hate the ridiculous language that seems to permeate all businesses these days.

I think the best I've ever heard was some time after the latest metropolitan rail operator in Melbourne decided to call its passengers "customers" (I believe the same thing has happened in the UK).

When it first happened I was so incensed that I actually bothered to write objecting (not something I can often be bothered to do). An interesting (if short) dialogue followed between a Customer Service Officer and me:

Me: "You bloody idiots. Why do you call the passengers customers?"

CSO: "Because we like to think of them as Our Customers, not just The Passengers."

Me: "Well here's a thought. Why not think of them as Your Passengers, not just The Customers?"

I never had a reply.

Some months later I was waiting for a connection at Newport Station when this announcement came over the PA:

"The train on platform one is not taking customers."

I wish me little mate from Customer Services had been there to hear it.

Anyway, do please share yours; I need a good laugh.

Don Watson's written a couple of wonderful books about this. He has a rather lighter touch than I do

Bendable Learnings

Death Sentence