Dangerous: What’s for dinner? Safer: Can I help you with dinner? Safest: Where would you like to go for dinner? Ultrasafe: Here, have some chocolates.
Dangerous: Are you wearing that to the party? Safer: Gosh, you look lovely in brown. Safest: Wow, look at you – let’s stay home and party on our own. Ultrasafe: Here, have some chocolates.
Dangerous: What are you so worked up about? Safer: Could we be over-reacting? Safest: It’s my fault Ultrasafe: Here, have some chocolates.
Dangerous: Should you be eating that? Safer: You know, we have a lot of apples left Safest: Can I get you a glass of wine with that? Ultrasafe: Here, have some chocolates.
Dangerous: What did you do all day? Safer: I hope you didn’t overdo it today Safest: I’ve always loved you in that robe Ultrasafe: Here, have some more chocolates
So why did I have to write this? Confused by all her mood swings, I bought her a “mood ring” so I would be able to monitor her moods. When she is in a good mood it shines with a green light, when she is in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on my forehead.
One day, while strolling down the boardwalk, John bumped into an old friend of his, Rob, from high school. “You look great John, how do you stay looking so young? Why you must be 60 already but you don’t look a day over 40!” Rob exclaimed. “I feel like I’m 40 too!” replied John. “That’s incredible” exclaimed Rob, “Does it run in the family? How old was your dad when he passed?” “Did I say he was dead?” asked John. “He’s 81 and is more active then ever. He just joined the neighborhood basketball team!” responded John. “Whoa! Well how old was your Grandfather when he died?” “Did I say he died” asked John. Rob was amazed. “He just had his 105th birthday and plays golf and goes swimming each day! He’s actually getting married this week!” “Getting married?!” Rob asked. If he’s 105, why on earth does he want to get married?! John looked at Rob and replied, “Did I say he wanted to?”…
Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi darling, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only £1,000; is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Ford showroom and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "£37,000." ; MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £570,000 for it." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of £550,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra twenty-thousand if it's what you really want." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"