I Wanna Be Yours.

'An Ode to Fifty Shades of Grey'

The missus bought a Paperback
down Shepton, Saturday,
I had a look in her bag;
...T’was “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

Well I just left her to it,
...At ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread…

In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down on the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn’t weathered well;
She’s eighty four next week.

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
Things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled up upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said...
I must dominate her!!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You’d see just why I spluttered,
I’d spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I’d muttered.

She stood there nude, naked like;
Bent forward just a bit ….
I thought oh well, what the hell,
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
“Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of Grey.

For Poetry Day,my own poem.

I will never ever be
derogatory
about poetry.
Whether a witty ditty
or words to make you cry,
you read and see how the world looks
through someone else's eye.
When someone writes a poem
they open up their soul.
You can see the real person.
You can understand their goal.
Some are Master Wordsmiths
their poems give me rapture.
Others may struggle to make their point
and these,my heart,can capture.
I am just a dilettante
I scribble now and then.
When the feeling moves me
I must take up my pen.
And though my words are simple and trite
they show I have an appetite
-for poetry.

He went through a period about 10-12 years ago of supporting The Fall. He was pretty good, though he did the same set every night, when he could remember where he was in it - at one point he started one poem, then and stopped and asked if he'd already done it (I can't remember if he had or not). He was funny though.

I liked the University of Salford (I think it was) on University Challenge, having a stuffed model of him as their mascot.