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Post by althea on Jan 15, 2020 17:36:56 GMT
Attention, fellow boomers! Some of our old favorites have been re-released. The following songs are on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies."
Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver"
Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
Nancy Sinatra--"These Boots Are Made For Bunions"
ABBA--"Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Times My Back's Out"
Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair"
The Beatles--"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends"
Steely Dan--"Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper"
Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye--"I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs--"Bald Thing"
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Post by aubrey on Jan 15, 2020 18:48:55 GMT
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Post by aubrey on Jan 15, 2020 18:49:27 GMT
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Post by ARENA on Jan 15, 2020 18:52:31 GMT
Attention, fellow boomers! Some of our old favorites have been re-released. The following songs are on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies." Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver" Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein" The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip" Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face" Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now" The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone" Nancy Sinatra--"These Boots Are Made For Bunions" ABBA--"Denture Queen" Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping" Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Times My Back's Out" Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair" The Beatles--"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends" Steely Dan--"Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper" Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising" Marvin Gaye--"I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts" The Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication" The Troggs--"Bald Thing" We could make a game of this... Happiness Is A Warm Milk----------The Beatles
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Post by rondetto on Jan 15, 2020 19:02:54 GMT
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
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Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,"There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Brad Pitt.
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Post by caedmon ★★★ on Jan 15, 2020 21:24:38 GMT
On a tour of Scotland, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit the North coast near Aberdeen on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Pope mobile was driving along the golden sands when there was an enormous commotion heard just off the headland. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene the Pope noticed just outside the surf, a hapless man wearing an English football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a twenty-foot shark.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Scottish football tops roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the shark`s ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Englishman from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the shark to death. They bundled the bleeding, semi-conscious man into the speedboat along with the dead shark and then prepared for a hasty retreat, when they heard frantic shouting from the shore.
It was of course the Pope, and he summoned them to the beach.
Upon them reaching the shore the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some racist xenophobic people trying to divide Scotland and England, but, now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony and could serve as a model on which other nations could follow." He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.
As he departed, the harpoonist asked the others, "Who was that???!" "That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all God`s wisdom."
"Well," the harpoonist replied, "he knows F all about shark hunting. How`s that bait holding up or do we need to get another one?
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Post by rondetto on Jan 16, 2020 12:11:08 GMT
Have You Ever Been Guilty Of Looking At Others Your Own Age And
Thinking,
"surely I Can't Look That Old." Well... You'll Love This One.
My Name Is Alice Smith And I Was Sitting In The Waiting Room For My
First Appointment With A New Dentist. I Noticed His Dds Diploma, Which Bore
His Full Name.
Suddenly, I Remembered A Tall, Handsome, Dark-haired Boy With The Same
Name Had Been In My High School Class Some 40-odd Years Ago. Could He Be The
Same Guy That I Had A Secret Crush On, Way Back Then? Upon Seeing Him,
However, I Quickly Discarded Any Such Thought.
This Balding, Gray-haired Man With The Deeply Lined Face Was Way Too
Old To have Been My Classmate. After He Examined My Teeth, I Asked Him If He
Had Attended Morgan Park High School
"yes. Yes, I Did." He Gleamed With Pride.
"when Did You Graduate?" I Asked.
He Answered, "in 1969. Why Do You Ask?"
"You Were In My Class!", I Exclaimed.
He Looked At Me Closely. Then, That Ugly, Old, Bald Wrinkled, Fat,
Gray, Decrepit Son-of-a-bitch Asked, "What Did You Teach?"
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Post by rondetto on Jan 16, 2020 12:30:35 GMT
My mate Dave recently got married to a Thai bride, he told me the only thing wrong with her is that she keeps leaving the toilet seat up.
Then Dave said his wife told him that he never holds the door open for her, he said yes he did, the day she threatened to leave him.
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Post by rondetto on Jan 16, 2020 16:46:07 GMT
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any.
So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"
"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. We don't poison sir You'll have to do that yourself."
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Post by althea on Jan 16, 2020 17:07:07 GMT
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Post by althea on Jan 16, 2020 17:07:37 GMT
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Post by althea on Jan 16, 2020 17:08:11 GMT
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Post by althea on Jan 16, 2020 17:09:56 GMT
Attention, fellow boomers! Some of our old favorites have been re-released. The following songs are on a new album called "Baby Boomers Turn Gray: Re-heated Oldies." Paul Simon--"Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver" Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein" The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip" Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face" Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now" The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone" Nancy Sinatra--"These Boots Are Made For Bunions" ABBA--"Denture Queen" Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping" Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Times My Back's Out" Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair" The Beatles--"I Get By with a Little Help From Depends" Steely Dan--"Rikki Don't Lose That Clapper" Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker" Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising" Marvin Gaye--"I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts" The Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication" The Troggs--"Bald Thing" We could make a game of this... Happiness Is A Warm Milk----------The Beatles Hairs on my pillow - Billy Ocean
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Post by rondetto on Jan 16, 2020 18:14:55 GMT
“A guy walks into a bar, and another guy says, "I slept with my wife before we were married. Did you?" The other guy says, "I don't know..I might have done,what was her maiden name?”
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Post by ARENA on Jan 16, 2020 21:16:35 GMT
We could make a game of this... Happiness Is A Warm Milk----------The Beatles Hairs on my pillow - Billy Ocean With a Little Help from My Medications ---- Beatles
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