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Post by philipeno on Jan 11, 2016 15:14:35 GMT
What's a Shih Tzu?
A zoo without penguins!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2016 15:19:25 GMT
What's a chicken Taka?
Its a bit like a chicken tika but a little otter.
Boom Boom
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Post by seadog on Jan 11, 2016 16:25:41 GMT
Teacher - "Harry, what do you call somebody who carries on talking when nobody is interested?"
Harry - "A teacher, Sir."
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Post by jimshoo on Jan 30, 2016 12:04:15 GMT
A woman goes into a pet shop and admires a beautiful blue and gold parrot. She asks the owner how much it is...
Pet owner: 20 quid. Woman: My that is cheap. Pet owner: I have to be honest I got him from a woman who runs a brothel and his language can be a touch....flowery. The woman decides to take a chance and buys him anyway. She gets the parrot home and takes off his cover. Parrot: Oh,new gaffe, nice. The woman's two teenage daughters walk in... Parrot: New gaffe, new crumpet, VERY nice! The woman's husband comes in. Parrot: HELLO Keith!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 14:50:53 GMT
Wife texts her handy husband on a cold winter morning:
"WINDOWS FROZEN ~ WON'T OPEN"
Husband texts back:
"GENTLY POUR SOME LUKEWARM WATER OVER THE EDGES AND THEN TAP EDGES SHARPLY WITH HAMMER"
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Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"LAPTOP TOTALLY BUGGERED NOW"
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Post by anybody on Feb 26, 2016 13:27:24 GMT
I hate people who ask questions, when they already know the answer - Teachers are worst!
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Dee
New Star
Posts: 15
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Post by Dee on Jun 14, 2016 19:11:49 GMT
Two blondes walk into a building.................
You would think one of them would have seen it!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2016 14:17:02 GMT
Made me smile!
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Post by marispiper on Jun 29, 2016 16:32:28 GMT
A new curate joined the parish and noticed the old Irish parish priest was one for the horses and seemed to have plenty of success with his bets too. When the auld fella came in, rubbing his hands with his winnings after another race, the curate asks him "What's your secret Father?" The old priest replies "Before the race, I go into the church and light a candle...works every time!" Right thinks the curate..I'm gonna try that"! So he lights his candle, goes down the betting shop, lays his bet, horse runs out. He goes back to the old priest and tells him "I lit the candle like you said but it never worked." "Ah" says the auld fella "which candle did you use?" "One of the little ones Father" the curate replies. "Ach" says the old priest.."You should've lit one of the big candles. The little ones are for the dogs"!
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Post by ARENA on Jun 30, 2016 7:27:06 GMT
Daddy Bear: Somebody's been sleeping in my bed.
Mummy Bear: It wouldn't be the first time.
Daddy Bear: Let it go,Betty ,that was four years ago.
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Post by jimrockford on Jul 2, 2016 13:46:17 GMT
Questioner: Sex?
Interviewee: 3 times a day.
Questioner: I meant male or female.
Interviewee: Either, I don't mind.
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Post by ARENA on Jul 6, 2016 9:21:55 GMT
Big bird at psychiatrists: 'Everyone ignores me,why?' Psychiatrists............: 'Because you're ostrich-sized!'
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Post by marispiper on Jul 6, 2016 15:32:00 GMT
My brother said this yesterday: "I've got to the age where I can manage without sex, but I can't manage without my glasses"
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Post by althea on Jul 7, 2016 19:29:44 GMT
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Post by marispiper on Jul 7, 2016 19:41:01 GMT
Althea..I so enjoy the little quips on your posts 😁
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