Salmond..........

Alex Salmond's colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So an official went to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities.

"There are a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a consultant told the official, but they are mostly freight locomotives."



"Oh dear, a freight locomotive is not very fitting for a party leader," said Sir Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing to the 'Flying Scotsman'.

"That one has already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called 'Flying Scotsman'."

"Oh well. Couldn't we rename it ?" asked the official.

"I suppose for Alex Salmond it might be considered," said the consultant.

"That's excellent", said the official, "So that's settled then...let's look at re-naming the 'Flying Scotsman'. How much will it cost? Remember we can't spend too much, given the expenses scandal!"

"Well", said the consultant, "Why don't we just paint out the 'F'."