Aubrey.........

Thank you A.

I have contacted his e mail address.

Best wishes Aub.

YYYYaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!  Good news indeed.

Progress report, heavily compressed:
They've been reducing the pressure of the ventilator by one every day (one what? I don't know) to make my diaphragm work harder (the virus that causes shingles and chicken pox attacked the nerve that works the diaphragm, which Left me unable to breath unaided). I stuck this fairly well every day until today when I couldn't stand 14, or 16, or 18. It's ok now, probably on 20 or more, but I hope this doesn't mean I'll have to work my way back again, digit by digit.

And the day started so well: I was taken to the gym where I walked the length of a set of parallel bars with a kind of splint on my floppy foot. So that was good. I was left out in a chair and got on with my usual stuff. I have been given some protein drinks to help with getting my weight up (I lost 24kg in the first month or so in hospital, but had put 14kg back by the week after that; now I'm about 68kg). I want to get it back up a bit more so I can have the feed tube taken from my nose and eat for my self. The trouble with that is, until the speech therapist says I I can eat harder or crunchier food I am stuck with a soft diet which is all variations on mashed potato with cheese, or cheese and broccoli, with the odd baked potato (with cheese or beans) thrown in. There are deserts though, and soup - and oh. When I mentioned that I don't have reddy break because it's a bit claggy, and that I usually have cream with it, the dietician said I can easily have cream. So I had it this morning. It was good. They don't know that I usually eat a lot of bread, and that this is what keeps me at the healthy weight of 80kg. Simon Raven, after finishing the script for The Pallisers, remarked in a letter that he'd put on so much weight that he hadn't Seen his cock in six months, and didn't want to either. Him and me both - until I lost those 12 kegs; now it's useful for using those pee bottles they give you in hospital, which has been often and urgent since they took the catheter out.

Anyway, I was ok until I glugged down the protein drink, and then it felt like I was trying to breath through a pin hole. Then I got a sudden urge to use the commode. The nurse, a nice and efficient chap called Marshall (I asked if he was named after Malcolm Marshall, possibly from the whitewash series of 1984, was it? He'd be the right age, I think. Anyway, he didn't know.) was quick, but not quite quick enough. There was a bit of a mess.

On Tuesday there was something similar ; I'd been for a walk, my longest yet, maybe 30 metres) (albeit with a Zimmer frame and several rests) and when I got back decided to go to bed rather than sit out in the chair but as soon as I had swung my legs onto the bed I kind of flopped back and then lost my breathing rhythm, panicked, and promptly shat myself. I used to panic every time I felt myself going backwards - one time I even fainted - but I usually manage to control myself these days. I've never panicked over the tube from my trachy coming out - which it does, often - (the trachy is the tube in my throat, that I can't spell the full version of) leaving me to breathe for myself; the staff here are much more bothered about than I am.
So, I am gradually working up to a state where. I can be discharged back home - one doctor said August, but I think it will be longer than that, especially with the Two Steps Back I had with with my breathing today.

I did the update originally for the fall forum, and Two Steps Back is an early Fall song. It did feel like that but it was also a relief; this making it more of an effort to breathe idea was harder than I thought and I was glad to get back to the heady level of 22. Today it is 16, which is not easy but doable.

The tracheotomy tube is where the ventilator goes, but I breathe through my mouth and nose as well. The feeding tube goes up the nose and then down past the back of my throat; I don't taste it.

All the gear follows me about on a little trolley; I have two or sometimes three physio girls accompanying me (yes, they are women, but they seem so young; one of them is familiar with Bowie because her dad likes him).

I may be getting rid of the feeding tube today.

One place I volunteered at was all young women as well. One day I went in wearing a Frank Zappa tee shirt. Everyone thought it was Freddie Mercury, except one girl from Hungary, Frank being very popular in East European countries; and yes: her dad liked him.

I'm going to play through Zappa's works while I'm in here.