My Daughter and her hubby have come to stay for the weekend....all is innocent one might think....
Me:" I have to go wipe my hotstick* off, it's work time soon" Daughter: "What's Dad doing Mum?" My Wife:"The last time I saw your Dad's hotstick you were born 9 months later" Daughter:"MUM!" Me *sniggering* "NAUGHTY WOMAN" Daughter:"DAD!" Me:"Oh for Christ's sake"
*Hotstick: A tool an electrician uses to operate high voltage switches, basically an electrically insulated pole.
Martin took his wife and mother-in-law on a pilgrimage to the holy land. The mother-in-law suddenly had a heart attack and died there. The undertaker told Martin that they can ship the body to their home for five thousand pounds. Alternatively, they could bury her there itself for five hundred. What would it be?
Martin said without any hesitation to ship the dead body home. The undertaker was mighty impressed: “Well now, what can I say? You must love your ma-in-law dearly. You are prepared to throw five thousand to take her back home where as you could have done it much cheaper and that too, at a holy place like this. I am really moved.”
Martin: “It's not that. Ages ago a man died and was buried here. I heard that three days later he rose from the dead because of some miracle in this holy place. I'm not prepared to take that chance."