Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 16, 2019 22:11:53 GMT
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Post by althea on Aug 17, 2019 9:14:48 GMT
Boss: We're going to be doing random drug testing.
Me: Okay,but I won't try Crack.
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Post by aubrey on Aug 17, 2019 9:33:42 GMT
Boss: We're going to be doing random drug testing. Me: Okay,but I won't try Crack.
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Post by rondetto on Aug 17, 2019 11:49:55 GMT
Judge: "Haven’t I seen you before?"
Man: "Yes, Your Honour. I taught your daughter how to play the drums."
Judge: "I sentence you to Twenty years!"
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Post by rondetto on Aug 17, 2019 17:45:47 GMT
Two Irish blokes go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!
The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their trip, one of the men catches a fish.
As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred quid?"
The other guy says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
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Post by rondetto on Aug 18, 2019 11:33:43 GMT
A young man was elated when he turned eighteen with no curfew at 11:00 p.m. for any one under seventeen years of age. He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted.
“Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under seventeen and it has to be in the garage by eleven,” his father said.
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Post by althea on Aug 18, 2019 14:20:50 GMT
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Post by althea on Aug 18, 2019 14:21:27 GMT
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Post by althea on Aug 18, 2019 14:50:03 GMT
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Post by aubrey on Aug 18, 2019 15:38:07 GMT
Sprout sandwiches though
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Aug 19, 2019 9:33:21 GMT
I keep randomly shooting cauliflowers and broccoli Think I may have florets
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Post by aubrey on Aug 19, 2019 11:31:34 GMT
I keep randomly shouting cauliflowers and broccoli Think I may have florets
Ha!!! Olaf!!
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Post by ARENA on Aug 19, 2019 11:46:38 GMT
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Post by ARENA on Aug 19, 2019 13:52:58 GMT
Top 10 jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe:
1. I keep randomly shouting out “Broccoli” and “Cauliflower”. I think I might have Florets. – Olaf Falafel
2. Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy. – Richard Stott
3. What’s driving Brexit? From here it looks like it’s probably the Duke of Edinburgh. – Milton Jones
4. A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, “Yes, of course. That’s 20 cows.” – Jake Lambert Guardian Today: the headlines, the analysis, the debate - sent direct to you Read more
5. A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it. – Ross Smith
6. Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It’s the reason I get up in the morning. – Ross Smith
7. I accidentally booked myself on to an escapology course; I’m really struggling to get out of it. – Adele Cliff
8. After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging. – Richard Pulsford
9. To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian. – Mark Simmons
10. I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts. – Ivo Graham
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Post by aubrey on Aug 19, 2019 15:22:14 GMT
Victorian joke:
What is most like a cat looking out of a window?
A cat looking in at a window.
Those Victorians, eh?
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